On this day of scary things how great is it that this particular blog post is going live on Halloween?! Relationships, all kinds of relationships, are an important part of life planning and design. About 85% of the time when I ask clients about the people in their lives they quickly tell me their “marital status” ~ which of course, is not my question!
What is really being asked is how are you doing with the people in your life – all the people in your life. Are they supporting you? Do you feel these relationships are adding to your energy?
Let’s start with the most obvious of these; yourself. If we are spending a better part of our day with a fairly critical inner voice or set of beliefs about ourselves we will have very little energy left over for any other connections. This is the place to start. Once you get a better handle on how you treat yourself it will be significantly easier to be present with others.
Next on the hit parade would be your family, both your family of origin as well as the family you created, if that applies to you. We are generally taught that family is family and we should accept them as they come. And yes, I would have to say that on many levels this is right but…and this is a huge one….it is not OK nor healthy to stay connected to a anyone who has mistreated you physically, sexually or emotionally. There is nothing that makes this an appropriate connection to continue if you do not wish to do so.
Now, all that being said, sometimes family can make us a bit nutty. And here’s what often not talked about; you get to set limits on what works for you. Have you noticed that each time you mention a social outing you’re taking with your partner and/or kids, your father invites himself along? Is that OK with you? If it’s not then you have every right to say, ‘no, that’s not going to work.’
Friends are the next group to think about. Do you have friends in your life who support you? Who get you or know you? Great! Keep them! Not so much? Wondering when someone is going to start putting as much to the give and take of your relationship as you do? If it is time to move on, you get to do that. It doesn’t even have to be a big thing. People can come into our lives for reasons or seasons and then, as those reasons and seasons change, our relationship with them can change too.
And then those other people with whom we have relationships; our co-workers, our neighbors, our service providers. Just as with the other relationships I mentioned above you get to choose. If these connections aren’t working for you or if you need to set limits, that’s OK! Set those limits! Draw those lines and know that taking care of yourself is important.
Planning where you are headed and what’s important to you means you get to make choices. In order to make choices we have to be aware that it is even possible to do so. Please consider this your invitation to look at those people in your life and make some decisions about how you want to navigate those connections moving forward. In thinking about this, is there someone from whom you’d be best served by distancing from or someone whose energy you need more time with? What’s holding you back from saying that?
Want some extra support? I’m right here just for that purpose. Give a shout out, get on my calendar and let’s see where you can go when you have all the energy you need!
Wishing you the best for your day!